Mothers and Daughters: The Body Image Trickle Down

[Erica Chan]

Mothers and Daughters: The Body Image Trickle Down
By Dara Chadwick, author of the blog 'You'd be So Pretty If...'

Find the original post here.

Last week, I wrote about what's been happening in Australia, where several body image activists have been accused of being "too beautiful" to deliver a message of self-acceptance and body love to the "average" woman. I asked my readers if they'd still be willing to listen to my message of self-acceptance if I looked like a supermodel.

Several women wrote to me and said that truthfully, they'd have trouble with that.

I get it...I do.

But through my years of body image struggles -- and through years of watching the number on the scale go down, then up, then down again -- I've learned something important about myself: What you think of me doesn't matter.

Now, I don't mean that the way it sounds...of course you matter! What I mean is that you could look at me and tell me I'm beautiful and even envy the way I look, but if that's not what I see when I look in the mirror, then I'll simply never believe you.

My perception is my truth.

Ask any woman who's ever wanted to lose just five more pounds, or wished that she could just lose that little bit of curve to her hip. If you let it -- if that's your focus -- those pounds or that curve becomes larger and larger in your mind, until you're convinced that it's all anyone else can see and why, oh why, are they telling you you're beautiful? Can't they see the ugliness you see?

A friend sent me a link recently to this post by Sunny Sea Gold, an editor at Glamour magazine. I think she makes an excellent point: We can never know -- never -- what somebody's really thinking when she looks in the mirror. We might look at someone and assume that because we think she's beautiful or skinny or otherwise has a perfect life, that she does, too.

But we'll never know for sure.

Perception is reality. And that's why I try to be conscious of the way I'm treating my body and the way I speak about it. Making an effort to stay positive and to make healthy choices has a ripple effect, not just on my self-perception, but on my daughter's perception of me, too. As I make better choices, I feel better. As I feel better, I act more confident. And as I act more confident, my daughter sees a mom who's happy with herself -- showing her that it's OK to be happy with who she is, too. Those positive feelings trickle down, affecting change in all they touch.

Sure, it may just be trickles. But those trickles have the power to change a generation.