Post by emilykate on Jun 11, 2010 22:08:37 GMT -5
As a potential parent, (haha! How often have I bristled up at the preface "Speaking as a parent...") and cousin of two very cute little boys (the eldest aged six and a half, the youngest turning 4 this Monday - they grw so fast!) the concept of raising boys/sons I'll be proud of, men who are feminists (they exist, I know a few!) is something that does fly around my brain a little.
Some quite warm-fuzzy anecdotes about my cousins (can't help it, they're too cute for me not to go on about a little bit). The elder cousin (my godson) used to at around age three 'cook' on the wall heater (safe, don't worry - I don't know the name of these heaters but they have a shelf-like part which he used as a stovetop) what he caled 'spicy barbecued aubergines'! His first favourite colur was pink... until kindergaten (it's now bright orange). The younger cousin has his own wooden kitchen - you know, the sort of toy that most girls in my generation used to dream of furnishing their cuby houses with - which he loves and plays wth lots. I'll add that both my aunt and uncle cook, so when we talk about role-modelling, in their household I guess my cousins don't see cooking as so much attributed to one gender - people eat, people cook.
Anyway, moving along... I read afew blogs (mostly by feminist mothers, afew more by feminist fathers would be nice!) on parenting and raising boys with wholesome concepts of gender and diversity within gender - feminist boys.
Here's one of them, which serves as a good enough starting point.
Source: penguinunearthed.wordpress.com/2008/08/03/raising-feminist-boys/
Some quite warm-fuzzy anecdotes about my cousins (can't help it, they're too cute for me not to go on about a little bit). The elder cousin (my godson) used to at around age three 'cook' on the wall heater (safe, don't worry - I don't know the name of these heaters but they have a shelf-like part which he used as a stovetop) what he caled 'spicy barbecued aubergines'! His first favourite colur was pink... until kindergaten (it's now bright orange). The younger cousin has his own wooden kitchen - you know, the sort of toy that most girls in my generation used to dream of furnishing their cuby houses with - which he loves and plays wth lots. I'll add that both my aunt and uncle cook, so when we talk about role-modelling, in their household I guess my cousins don't see cooking as so much attributed to one gender - people eat, people cook.
Anyway, moving along... I read afew blogs (mostly by feminist mothers, afew more by feminist fathers would be nice!) on parenting and raising boys with wholesome concepts of gender and diversity within gender - feminist boys.
Here's one of them, which serves as a good enough starting point.
Source: penguinunearthed.wordpress.com/2008/08/03/raising-feminist-boys/
""Penguin unearthed
A southern hemisphere mother writes about the world
Raising Feminist Boys
3 August, 2008 by penguinunearthed
A few weeks ago, the SMH‘s weekend magazine, Good Weekend (not online), had an article about tweens. I can’t remember the headline, but it seemed to promise an article relevant for the parent of a child between 8 and 12. Since Chatterboy is about to turn 7, it seemed like something I should read.
But the article was just about girls, so I stopped reading after a few hundred words.
Quite frequently, the blogosphere (particularly the feminist parts) comes alive with indignation about the latest toy for girls, and just how extreme girls’ introctination is getting. I agree, of course. But as the mother of two boys, I’ve found myself reading, being shocked, and thinking how nice it is that I don’t have to worry about it.
But recently, having read the tweens article, I’ve found myself wondering why all the indignation is for the girls’ toys… the girls’ prematurely sexualised behaviour. What about the boys toys? And the messages that boys are getting about sexuality? Is it just an update of that oldfashioned blaming of the victim that feminists have been tired of for years?
I mostly hang out in the feminist blogosphere (with a bit of current affairs on the side). The feminist mothers I read naturally have boys as well as girls, but none of us really get worked up over boys’ toys in the same way. There isn’t the same level of angst about teaching boys a healthy kind of sexuality as there is for boys. While there is the occasional discussion of the colour pink, and how boys should be allowed to wear it, we don’t seem to agonise to the same extent about bringing up our boys, and what kind of men we want them to be in a patriarchal world, as we do for our girls.
Of course, for our girls, we worry about how the patriarchal world will treat them. And we know what a patriarchal world was and is like for us, so we worry for our daughters. But I’m starting to wonder why we don’t put as much emotional energy into helping our boys be some of the influence for changing that patriarchal world. This wonderful letter from Flea to her boys about the My Lai massacre and rape is about the most serious thing I’ve seen on the topic.
I’ll leave you with an anecdote, while I think about what I can seriously write about raising feminist boys.
When Chatterboy was in Kindergarten, each child got to write on a big poster a little bit about themselves, including “when I grow up, I want to be…” Chatterboy wrote “a daddy”. I was torn. It was wonderful that Chatterboy thought that about the most important thing a man could be was a parent, looking after children. And that he thought that was something to aspire to. And yet, if our roles had been reversed, if I had been a stay-at-home mum with a daughter aspiring to be a mummy, I would have been horrified that that was the extent of her ambition. But on balance, I’m more proud than not. At least in parenting, my boys don’t see themselves as limited in their roles by their gender.
Posted in Feminism, Parenting | 26 Comments""
