Post by emilykate on Dec 7, 2010 0:25:57 GMT -5
Supporting survivors of sexual assault/rape
Trigger warning: this deals with exactly what the title describes; it is intended as a very practical guide towards giving positive support.
I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone – survivor or supporter – but at some point in your life, it is highly likely someone close to you will experience sexual assault.
In Australia, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men will be sexually assaulted. If they tell you, be ready to support them.
Remember, it could be the first time that they’ve disclosed this experience to anyone. Take a deep breath, dispel nervousness, and remember, whilst it is natural to feel some level of secondary trauma, keep this from the person – they’re going through enough already, and you can seek counselling and support for yourself as someone affected secondarily by an incident of sexual assault from CASA, as well as other organisations. Don’t forget to look after yourself!
First up, CASA: read through their fact sheets! (I will try to post some of these). Through these, you will learn a lot – about what the survivor may be experiencing, about where to go for more help, about how to best show your support. You can always call CASA. They are a wonderful source of empowering information for both survivor and friend.
Remember what you know about how the survivor may feel, and let them know that these feelings are quite normal, although any negative thoughts towards themselves are not true – they are not to blame, their response is not an indication of weakness or going crazy, the abuse they have experienced is not justified.
Right now, you are about to offer this person hope, and let them know that strength and courage are theirs already.
It may feel a bit daunting, you may worry about if as a friend you are doing the right thing, if you have any ability to help at all, but remember this: you have an opportunity here to be a very positive force in the life of an amazing person – the way in which a survivor sees their experience received when they first disclose it is one of the greatest indicators of how they will move on, recover.
Remember, this person, in making the difficult move of seeking help (yes that is a difficult thing to do in this case!); they are actually stronger – spiritually, if I may use the term – than the person who assaulted/raped them. Between the two of you, you already hold hope in your hands, even if at this time life feels tough. You can make it through.
The remainder of this I am writing through my perspective of someone who has been a supporter for survivors.
First and foremost, I like to give the person as much control over the discussion and environment as possible – after all, their control over self has been stolen from them, and that’s a part of why they’re here.
Perhaps you happen to have tissues handy? I suggest don’t take these out unless the person has an obvious need for them, so as not to insinuate that they’re going to cry. Don’t offer tea immediately – they’ve come in ready to talk, so stay with them and don’t distract them from the task they have worked up the courage for.
Below, I am going to outline my Three Points that I try to communicate – before I do hat I need to say a few things. Whilst talking people through the Three Points that I’ll outline below, there have been people who very quickly show signs that yes, they’d really like to make an appointment or are willing to speak to someone from SECASA. Don’t insist, but let them know that if that’s something they really want to do then and there, that they are more than welcome to use your phone. It’s amazing to see the positive change in a person as they make themselves an appointment, and know that even before they leave, they have already made contact with yet another point of help – no doubt this knowledge can be a source of comfort for both of you. Before they leave, I offer to either handwrite phone numbers and addresses of places they may wish to make contact with – CASA, etc – or, if they prefer, to email them the information so that they don’t have to visibly carry it out in their hand. I recommend keeping some of the useful contacts that I’ve outlined below typed into your mobile phone, so that you have them with you.
Now, on to matters of procedure and information…
The first thing is to listen – really listen. Yes, let them know that you are not a trained councillor – let them know your limits - but also let them know that you are here and you can most definitely help them to find councillors and other professionals, that you will treat whatever they wish to disclose as private information, and that you are here to help. When you have an opportunity to speak, let them know any limits, and some point in the conversation, when they’re ready, you can give them the three key bits of information which I will outline below.
The second thing is to affirm – give them a sign that you wholeheartedly accept them, not as a ‘damaged’ person but as a very strong person who has already survived and will make it through in their own time. Let them know that you’re here for them, and there are many others who they can turn to also. Many people blame themselves in some way – dissuade them from doing this to themselves, and if appropriate briefly outline what sexual assault is and that it is a criminal act on the part of the perpetrator. It can be a good idea to let them know that in most cases of this nature the perpetrator is known, and that in legal terms there is absolutely no distinction between ‘date rape’ and sexual assault – knowing the person, voluntarily spending time with them – alone or with others – does not constitute consent for the perpetrator to do as he wishes, not what you both have communicated a clear mutual consent for. Reiterate that it is within their rights to expect that if at any time you ask someone to stop, that you can expect they will do so – immediately, not when they feel like it! Reiterate a person has not given real or legal consent to any sexual activity if they have been in any way held captive, submitted/gave verbal/physical agreement because of any form of force or any threat of force should they refuse consent, felt scarred to withhold consent, were asleep, drunk or under the influence of any other drug that made them incapable of legal agreement, didn’t understand the sexual nature of what was happening/happened and/or experienced pressure of an emotional nature – name calling, threats that refusal would result in a break up of the relationship and/or such threatening comments as ‘you know you came here because you wanted this’ or ‘what else where you expecting would happen?’. Silence, or the lack of a positive verbal response giving consent, does not equal consent – put simply, the absence of ‘no’ doesn’t equal ‘yes’. You may also need to reiterate what constitutes sexual assault – to quote CASA directly…
It may also be worth remembering or mentioning that (quoting CASA, again):
• “Most victims are assaulted by men they trust”;
• “People rarely lie about sexual assault”; and
• “Nobody asks or wants to be sexually assaulted. Sexual assault is a serious crime and the sex offender is always responsible.”
This is a FACT quoted from a CASA info sheet on myths and facts about sexual assault: “No-one ever enjoys sexual assault. In some cases, a person may respond sexually during the assault, but this is purely a reflex physiological response, it does not indicate that the abuse was welcome”.
The third thing is, don’t force them to do anything – including going to the police, giving you more information about the incident than they are willing to volunteer and don’t trivialise their experience or say anything to justify or explain the offender’s behaviour – but help to show them the way forward.
Three Points To Go Forward
Basically, this is about communicating the three branches of professional help available – counselling, medical help and health care and legal help. This is about providing useful and important information on care of the survivor, especially in terms of available services and support; it is not a ‘to do list’ that the person must follow! Don’t force the person to take any action, but do encourage the survivor to seek counselling and further help from CASA, as they will have the best advice and most up-to-date information.
1. Counselling and support (mental health) – (Remember that is extremely important!)
a. One word: CASA. If you asked for a second word, it would either be SECASA or WIRE. These people – CASA and SECASA, in particular – can also provide very meaningful help in terms of giving the best referrals and advice on physical health help and contacting the police or other legal involvement, in addition to finding alternative accommodation, should the survivor be currently living with the offender and feel they have no family or friends they can turn to. Should a person prefer not to have any counselling, you can let them know that CASA can be contacted as a point of referral for medical and legal help, and you can ask for someone to act as your advocate, rather than counsellor. Should they be strongly against getting in contact with CASA, I have offered below some pointers on sources of help – medical and legal.
2. Physical health and mental health – (Again, extremely important; although do remember that this is daunting so take extra care to not be pushy, but give them reassuring information. Getting a health check could really lift a load from the survivor’s shoulders and take away the fear of the unknown, and it is true that the faster they receive medical attention, all the better to address any STIs they may have acquired due to the assault.)
a. CASA will be able to help with referrals for medical professionals, as well as good psychiatrists.
b. Follow-up testing for STIs may be needed.
c. One organisation with a good reputation that offers pregnancy tests, pregnancy choices, contraceptive choices, STI testing, and any sexual and /or reproductive health concerns is Inner South Community Health Service Inc. These services are (it goes without saying) confidential, and they pride themselves on being, quote, “non-judgmental, safe and friendly” – and I am yet to hear any report to the contrary! Unfortunately, clinics are held within certain hours:
i. 341 Coventry Street, South Melbourne
Close to tramlines 112 and 96.
Wednesday 1pm-5pm; Ph: 9690-9144
240 Malvern Road, Prahran
Close to trams 73, 78 and 79.
Friday 1pm-5pm; Ph: 9525-1300
d. Aside from taking care of the survivor’s physical health, some survivors may want forensic evidence to be gathered also. If this is the case, best to get in contact with CASA and/or a SOCA (see below for more on SOCAs)
3. Police or legal involvement – it is entirely the choice of the survivor! (I suggest you read the CASA info sheet on reporting to police – it gives a list of reasons why people decide to/against reporting to the police.)
a. Whilst it is true that reporting the incident to police quickly, and thus having the ability for forensic evidence to be collected (many girls schools have taught that it is best not to shower but to call 00 straight away), the emotional wellbeing of the survivor has to come first – this means that they have the power to decide to do in their own time what feels right for them. After all, it is also true that even survivors of childhood sexual abuse are sometimes successful in having the offender charged and convicted. They are not to blame if they don’t call the police within hours of the assault and a conviction is not secured.
b. Advocates from CASA can assist and support the survivor if they wish to contact the police. Victims of Crime can also be called 8.30am-5pm weekdays on 1800 819 817.
c. There are specially trained and experienced police who can investigate matters of sexual assault; in Victoria there are currently 31 SOCA (Sex Offences and Child Abuse) units. The phone number for the co-ordination office (which should be able to provide you with contact details for the most appropriate unit!) is (03) 9865 5100.
d. The survivor can make a statement to police at any time – this does not mean that they have to go through physical forensic evidence gathering procedures as well.
e. If the survivor wants to seek legal advice, they may wish to get in contact with Women's Legal Service Victoria, and WIRE can also provide advice and referrals in this area. Women's Legal Service Victoria (WLSV) is a state-wide legal service for women, specializing in relationship breakdown and violence against women. WLSV provides face to face legal services, including court representation, telephone legal advice and referral, legal education, and law reform activities on issues affecting women and their legal rights. WLSV conducts a clinic at Melbourne Magistrates' Court on Monday to Friday from 9.30am onwards
Address: Level 3, 43 Hardware Lane, Melbourne VIC 3000
Phone Advice and Administration: (03) 9642 0877
Fax: (03) 9642 0232
Toll free: 1800 133 302
Email: justice@vicnet.net.au
Hours of Operation: Mon-Fri 9am-5pm
Legal advice line: Monday 10am-1pm; Tuesday, Thursday 6.30-8.30pm; Wednesday 2-5pm; Drop In Thursday 9.30am-12pm
Website: www.womenslegal.org.au
Useful Contacts
ARAFEMI (mental health; not sexual assault specific, but well-trained in supporting carers) Carer Helpline (9am-5pm weekdays): 1300 550 265.
Centre Against Sexual Assault (CASA House): 9344-2210.
Inner South Community Health Service Inc Sexual Health Clinic – Prahran: (03) 9525-1300.
Inner South Community Health Service Inc Sexual Health Clinic – South Melbourne: (03)96909144.
OCD & Anxiety HelpLine (a service of ARCVic – Anxiety Recovery Centre Victoria): 03 9886 9377 or 1300 ANXIETY.
SECASA (South East Centre Against Sexual Assault) Crisis Line (24/7): 9594-2289.
SECASA TTY: 9594-2175.
SECASA Admin Line: 9928-8741.
Stopover/Youth Emergency Accommodation: 9347-0636
Suicideline: 1300 651 251 .
Telephone Service Against Sexual Assault (24 Hour Toll Free): 1800-806-292
Victims of Crime (8.30am-5pm weekdays): 1800 819 817.
Victorian Sexual Assault Crisis Line (24/7 service): 1800 806 292.
Victoria Police Sex Offence and Child Abuse (SOCA) Units Co-ordination Office: (03) 9865 5100.
Women's Domestic Violence Crisis Service of Victoria: 9329-8433 or Toll Free 1800-015-188
Women's Information Referral Exchange (WIRE): 9654-6844.
WIRE For hearing impaired: 133-677
Also WIRE; for free, confidential information, support and referrals, local call state-wide (excl. mobiles): 1300-134-130 Interpreter available upon request.
Women’s Legal Service Victoria: (03) 9642 0877; toll free: 1800 133 302.
Trigger warning: this deals with exactly what the title describes; it is intended as a very practical guide towards giving positive support.
I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone – survivor or supporter – but at some point in your life, it is highly likely someone close to you will experience sexual assault.
In Australia, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men will be sexually assaulted. If they tell you, be ready to support them.
Remember, it could be the first time that they’ve disclosed this experience to anyone. Take a deep breath, dispel nervousness, and remember, whilst it is natural to feel some level of secondary trauma, keep this from the person – they’re going through enough already, and you can seek counselling and support for yourself as someone affected secondarily by an incident of sexual assault from CASA, as well as other organisations. Don’t forget to look after yourself!
First up, CASA: read through their fact sheets! (I will try to post some of these). Through these, you will learn a lot – about what the survivor may be experiencing, about where to go for more help, about how to best show your support. You can always call CASA. They are a wonderful source of empowering information for both survivor and friend.
Remember what you know about how the survivor may feel, and let them know that these feelings are quite normal, although any negative thoughts towards themselves are not true – they are not to blame, their response is not an indication of weakness or going crazy, the abuse they have experienced is not justified.
Right now, you are about to offer this person hope, and let them know that strength and courage are theirs already.
It may feel a bit daunting, you may worry about if as a friend you are doing the right thing, if you have any ability to help at all, but remember this: you have an opportunity here to be a very positive force in the life of an amazing person – the way in which a survivor sees their experience received when they first disclose it is one of the greatest indicators of how they will move on, recover.
Remember, this person, in making the difficult move of seeking help (yes that is a difficult thing to do in this case!); they are actually stronger – spiritually, if I may use the term – than the person who assaulted/raped them. Between the two of you, you already hold hope in your hands, even if at this time life feels tough. You can make it through.
The remainder of this I am writing through my perspective of someone who has been a supporter for survivors.
First and foremost, I like to give the person as much control over the discussion and environment as possible – after all, their control over self has been stolen from them, and that’s a part of why they’re here.
Perhaps you happen to have tissues handy? I suggest don’t take these out unless the person has an obvious need for them, so as not to insinuate that they’re going to cry. Don’t offer tea immediately – they’ve come in ready to talk, so stay with them and don’t distract them from the task they have worked up the courage for.
Below, I am going to outline my Three Points that I try to communicate – before I do hat I need to say a few things. Whilst talking people through the Three Points that I’ll outline below, there have been people who very quickly show signs that yes, they’d really like to make an appointment or are willing to speak to someone from SECASA. Don’t insist, but let them know that if that’s something they really want to do then and there, that they are more than welcome to use your phone. It’s amazing to see the positive change in a person as they make themselves an appointment, and know that even before they leave, they have already made contact with yet another point of help – no doubt this knowledge can be a source of comfort for both of you. Before they leave, I offer to either handwrite phone numbers and addresses of places they may wish to make contact with – CASA, etc – or, if they prefer, to email them the information so that they don’t have to visibly carry it out in their hand. I recommend keeping some of the useful contacts that I’ve outlined below typed into your mobile phone, so that you have them with you.
Now, on to matters of procedure and information…
The first thing is to listen – really listen. Yes, let them know that you are not a trained councillor – let them know your limits - but also let them know that you are here and you can most definitely help them to find councillors and other professionals, that you will treat whatever they wish to disclose as private information, and that you are here to help. When you have an opportunity to speak, let them know any limits, and some point in the conversation, when they’re ready, you can give them the three key bits of information which I will outline below.
The second thing is to affirm – give them a sign that you wholeheartedly accept them, not as a ‘damaged’ person but as a very strong person who has already survived and will make it through in their own time. Let them know that you’re here for them, and there are many others who they can turn to also. Many people blame themselves in some way – dissuade them from doing this to themselves, and if appropriate briefly outline what sexual assault is and that it is a criminal act on the part of the perpetrator. It can be a good idea to let them know that in most cases of this nature the perpetrator is known, and that in legal terms there is absolutely no distinction between ‘date rape’ and sexual assault – knowing the person, voluntarily spending time with them – alone or with others – does not constitute consent for the perpetrator to do as he wishes, not what you both have communicated a clear mutual consent for. Reiterate that it is within their rights to expect that if at any time you ask someone to stop, that you can expect they will do so – immediately, not when they feel like it! Reiterate a person has not given real or legal consent to any sexual activity if they have been in any way held captive, submitted/gave verbal/physical agreement because of any form of force or any threat of force should they refuse consent, felt scarred to withhold consent, were asleep, drunk or under the influence of any other drug that made them incapable of legal agreement, didn’t understand the sexual nature of what was happening/happened and/or experienced pressure of an emotional nature – name calling, threats that refusal would result in a break up of the relationship and/or such threatening comments as ‘you know you came here because you wanted this’ or ‘what else where you expecting would happen?’. Silence, or the lack of a positive verbal response giving consent, does not equal consent – put simply, the absence of ‘no’ doesn’t equal ‘yes’. You may also need to reiterate what constitutes sexual assault – to quote CASA directly…
“Indecent assault is unwanted touching of another person’s body e.g. kissing, fondling touching breasts, buttocks, genitals. Being made to look or pose for pornographic photos, videos or magazines. Being forced to or to watch masturbation.
Rape is sexual penetration without consent in any type of relationship. Sexual penetration means a penis being introduced into the vagina, anus or mouth. It also includes the insertion of an object or other body part eg finger or tongue into the vagina or anus.
Sexual harassment is unwanted verbal sexual innuendo or harassment, e.g. suggestions of sexual behaviour, dirty talk.”
It may also be worth remembering or mentioning that (quoting CASA, again):
• “Most victims are assaulted by men they trust”;
• “People rarely lie about sexual assault”; and
• “Nobody asks or wants to be sexually assaulted. Sexual assault is a serious crime and the sex offender is always responsible.”
This is a FACT quoted from a CASA info sheet on myths and facts about sexual assault: “No-one ever enjoys sexual assault. In some cases, a person may respond sexually during the assault, but this is purely a reflex physiological response, it does not indicate that the abuse was welcome”.
The third thing is, don’t force them to do anything – including going to the police, giving you more information about the incident than they are willing to volunteer and don’t trivialise their experience or say anything to justify or explain the offender’s behaviour – but help to show them the way forward.
Three Points To Go Forward
Basically, this is about communicating the three branches of professional help available – counselling, medical help and health care and legal help. This is about providing useful and important information on care of the survivor, especially in terms of available services and support; it is not a ‘to do list’ that the person must follow! Don’t force the person to take any action, but do encourage the survivor to seek counselling and further help from CASA, as they will have the best advice and most up-to-date information.
1. Counselling and support (mental health) – (Remember that is extremely important!)
a. One word: CASA. If you asked for a second word, it would either be SECASA or WIRE. These people – CASA and SECASA, in particular – can also provide very meaningful help in terms of giving the best referrals and advice on physical health help and contacting the police or other legal involvement, in addition to finding alternative accommodation, should the survivor be currently living with the offender and feel they have no family or friends they can turn to. Should a person prefer not to have any counselling, you can let them know that CASA can be contacted as a point of referral for medical and legal help, and you can ask for someone to act as your advocate, rather than counsellor. Should they be strongly against getting in contact with CASA, I have offered below some pointers on sources of help – medical and legal.
2. Physical health and mental health – (Again, extremely important; although do remember that this is daunting so take extra care to not be pushy, but give them reassuring information. Getting a health check could really lift a load from the survivor’s shoulders and take away the fear of the unknown, and it is true that the faster they receive medical attention, all the better to address any STIs they may have acquired due to the assault.)
a. CASA will be able to help with referrals for medical professionals, as well as good psychiatrists.
b. Follow-up testing for STIs may be needed.
c. One organisation with a good reputation that offers pregnancy tests, pregnancy choices, contraceptive choices, STI testing, and any sexual and /or reproductive health concerns is Inner South Community Health Service Inc. These services are (it goes without saying) confidential, and they pride themselves on being, quote, “non-judgmental, safe and friendly” – and I am yet to hear any report to the contrary! Unfortunately, clinics are held within certain hours:
i. 341 Coventry Street, South Melbourne
Close to tramlines 112 and 96.
Wednesday 1pm-5pm; Ph: 9690-9144
240 Malvern Road, Prahran
Close to trams 73, 78 and 79.
Friday 1pm-5pm; Ph: 9525-1300
d. Aside from taking care of the survivor’s physical health, some survivors may want forensic evidence to be gathered also. If this is the case, best to get in contact with CASA and/or a SOCA (see below for more on SOCAs)
3. Police or legal involvement – it is entirely the choice of the survivor! (I suggest you read the CASA info sheet on reporting to police – it gives a list of reasons why people decide to/against reporting to the police.)
a. Whilst it is true that reporting the incident to police quickly, and thus having the ability for forensic evidence to be collected (many girls schools have taught that it is best not to shower but to call 00 straight away), the emotional wellbeing of the survivor has to come first – this means that they have the power to decide to do in their own time what feels right for them. After all, it is also true that even survivors of childhood sexual abuse are sometimes successful in having the offender charged and convicted. They are not to blame if they don’t call the police within hours of the assault and a conviction is not secured.
b. Advocates from CASA can assist and support the survivor if they wish to contact the police. Victims of Crime can also be called 8.30am-5pm weekdays on 1800 819 817.
c. There are specially trained and experienced police who can investigate matters of sexual assault; in Victoria there are currently 31 SOCA (Sex Offences and Child Abuse) units. The phone number for the co-ordination office (which should be able to provide you with contact details for the most appropriate unit!) is (03) 9865 5100.
d. The survivor can make a statement to police at any time – this does not mean that they have to go through physical forensic evidence gathering procedures as well.
e. If the survivor wants to seek legal advice, they may wish to get in contact with Women's Legal Service Victoria, and WIRE can also provide advice and referrals in this area. Women's Legal Service Victoria (WLSV) is a state-wide legal service for women, specializing in relationship breakdown and violence against women. WLSV provides face to face legal services, including court representation, telephone legal advice and referral, legal education, and law reform activities on issues affecting women and their legal rights. WLSV conducts a clinic at Melbourne Magistrates' Court on Monday to Friday from 9.30am onwards
Address: Level 3, 43 Hardware Lane, Melbourne VIC 3000
Phone Advice and Administration: (03) 9642 0877
Fax: (03) 9642 0232
Toll free: 1800 133 302
Email: justice@vicnet.net.au
Hours of Operation: Mon-Fri 9am-5pm
Legal advice line: Monday 10am-1pm; Tuesday, Thursday 6.30-8.30pm; Wednesday 2-5pm; Drop In Thursday 9.30am-12pm
Website: www.womenslegal.org.au
Useful Contacts
ARAFEMI (mental health; not sexual assault specific, but well-trained in supporting carers) Carer Helpline (9am-5pm weekdays): 1300 550 265.
Centre Against Sexual Assault (CASA House): 9344-2210.
Inner South Community Health Service Inc Sexual Health Clinic – Prahran: (03) 9525-1300.
Inner South Community Health Service Inc Sexual Health Clinic – South Melbourne: (03)96909144.
OCD & Anxiety HelpLine (a service of ARCVic – Anxiety Recovery Centre Victoria): 03 9886 9377 or 1300 ANXIETY.
SECASA (South East Centre Against Sexual Assault) Crisis Line (24/7): 9594-2289.
SECASA TTY: 9594-2175.
SECASA Admin Line: 9928-8741.
Stopover/Youth Emergency Accommodation: 9347-0636
Suicideline: 1300 651 251 .
Telephone Service Against Sexual Assault (24 Hour Toll Free): 1800-806-292
Victims of Crime (8.30am-5pm weekdays): 1800 819 817.
Victorian Sexual Assault Crisis Line (24/7 service): 1800 806 292.
Victoria Police Sex Offence and Child Abuse (SOCA) Units Co-ordination Office: (03) 9865 5100.
Women's Domestic Violence Crisis Service of Victoria: 9329-8433 or Toll Free 1800-015-188
Women's Information Referral Exchange (WIRE): 9654-6844.
WIRE For hearing impaired: 133-677
Also WIRE; for free, confidential information, support and referrals, local call state-wide (excl. mobiles): 1300-134-130 Interpreter available upon request.
Women’s Legal Service Victoria: (03) 9642 0877; toll free: 1800 133 302.