Taking Sexy Back

[Erica Chan]

Just a short, thought-provoking post on another, more empowering definition of 'sexy', found on the SPARKsummit website.

Taking Sexy Back
By Culley Schultz, posted by SPARKsummit on November 30th, 2010

See original article

There I was, sitting at the SPARK conference listening to Jamia Wilson and Megan Williams speak about the ideas of the day when they said SPARK is about “Taking Sexy Back.” There it was- the theme of the day. Then, I began to consider what I felt should fit into that new category. Athletic girls, smart girls, REAL girls.

Sift through the following pictures and decide which are sexy. My answers are posted below. Do we agree?

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

Here are my thoughts:

1. sexy

2. not sexy

3. sexy

4. sexy

5. sexy

6. not sexy

7. not sexy

I have always believed that sexy is what you make it. The women that I labeled as sexy are sexy because they are taking ownership of themselves. The media is not objectifying them. They are comfortable in their bodies, and they are strong. Sexy should be the smart, athletic, awesome girls and women we are, not the models in magazines that are too airbrushed or posed to relate to us. SPARK solidified that goal. Here’s hoping you agree!


Culley Schultz is a senior at Glen Ridge High School, outside of New York City. She is the vice-president of the GRHS Girls Learn International (GLI) Chapter as well as the Secretary of the GLI Junior Board. Last year, Culley created a short documentary and commentary on the portrayal of women and girls in the media for the Women’s Media Center. It was through these organizations that Culley’s interest in the sexualization of women and girls was generated. As a result of her activism, she was led to SPARK where she is thrilled to be helping the movement to take sexy back!

SPARK stands for Sexualization Protest: Action, Resistance, Knowledge. SPARK is both a Summit and a Movement designed to push back against the increasingly sexualized images of girlhood in the media and create room for whole girls and healthy sexuality. SPARK will engage teen girls to be part of the solution rather than to protect them from the problem[/size]

[emilykate]

That was great, Erica!

It backs up how I feel about what is sexy, and when I feel sexy. Even though yes, I am into couture and eccentric hair and make-up, to me, 'sexy' is linked to intellect - I recently learned that there is actually a term for this, if my memory is working at this time I could tell you!! (I think it's 'sapiosexual' - attracted by intellect). For me, if I'm wearing something that is more skimpy than flattering, I usually start to feel 'ditzy', and thus my self esteem takes a little dive and that just doesn't feel sexy. I feel very differently about myself if, on the other hand, I finish a (rather impressive) essay on a topic that fascinates me, compose a piece of music I feel happy with or create a new and successfully delicious recipe.

This also plays a role in attraction to others. I'll admit that yes, when it comes to partners I have my own shallow preferences for build, hair and eye colour, but when it actually comes to being attracted to someone, their knowledge, analysis of information and explanations for their (good) taste in music (all things I consider to constitute 'intellect') ALWAYS feature more heavily than what they look like!

[Erica Chan]

*nods*. Great points, and I agree. I feel sexy when I'm doing things, whether that be feeling awesome after a hard workout or as you said, writing a piece. I also think there are certain levels of attraction. You can think someone is pretty or handsome without being actually attracted precisely because of what you said - intellectually you may not just click.

[emilykate]

I thought this might go quite nicely with the topic of taking sexy back...

‎

"The word 'pretty' is not worthy of everything you will be and no child of mine will be contained in five letters".

Thanks, Katie Makkai!



Transcript as found at dianasmanylifetimes.blogspot.com/2010/11/katie-makkai-pretty.html

Pretty by Katie Makkai

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, “What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? What comes next? Oh right, will I be rich?” Which is almost pretty depending on where you shop. And the pretty question infects from conception, passing blood and breath into cells. The word hangs from our mothers' hearts in a shrill fluorescent floodlight of worry.

“Will I be wanted? Worthy? Pretty?” But puberty left me this funhouse mirror dryad: teeth set at science fiction angles, crooked nose, face donkey-long and pox-marked where the hormones went finger-painting. My poor mother.

“How could this happen? You'll have porcelain skin as soon as we can see a dermatologist. You sucked your thumb. That's why your teeth look like that! You were hit in the face with a Frisbee when you were 6. Otherwise your nose would have been just fine!

“Don't worry. We'll get it fixed!” She would say, grasping my face, twisting it this way and that, as if it were a cabbage she might buy.

But this is not about her. Not her fault. She, too, was raised to believe the greatest asset she could bestow upon her awkward little girl was a marketable facade. By 16, I was pickled with ointments, medications, peroxides. Teeth corralled into steel prongs. Laying in a hospital bed, face packed with gauze, cushioning the brand new nose the surgeon had carved.

Belly gorged on 2 pints of my blood I had swallowed under anesthesia, and every convulsive twist of my gut like my body screaming at me from the inside out, “What did you let them do to you!”

All the while this never-ending chorus droning on and on, like the IV needle dripping liquid beauty into my blood. “Will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? Like my mother, unwrapping the gift wrap to reveal the bouquet of daughter her $10,000 bought her? Pretty? Pretty.”

And now, I have not seen my own face for 10 years. I have not seen my own face in 10 years, but this is not about me.

This is about the self-mutilating circus we have painted ourselves clowns in. About women who will prowl 30 stores in 6 malls to find the right cocktail dress, but haven't a clue where to find fulfillment or how wear joy, wandering through life shackled to a shopping bag, beneath those 2 pretty syllables.

About men wallowing on bar stools, drearily practicing attraction and everyone who will drift home tonight, crest-fallen because not enough strangers found you suitably fuckable.

This, this is about my own some-day daughter. When you approach me, already stung-stayed with insecurity, begging, “Mom, will I be pretty? Will I be pretty?” I will wipe that question from your mouth like cheap lipstick and answer, “No! The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be, and no child of mine will be contained in five letters.

“You will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing. But you, will never be merely 'pretty'.”

[Erica Chan]

That is a pretty amazing speech, and I most definitely approve. If I ever have a daughter, I hope I remember this speech and show it to her.

Thanks for the find, EK.